Frustration

Do you ever feel like you are in the wrong place at the wrong time or that you take action a little too soon based on the information you have just to find out it was better left alone?  I do.  This morning I am so frustrated with myself.  I had an appointment for tomorrow for a comprehensive ultrasound.  On Friday at 4:30 I cancelled the appointment and scheduled it for a week later.  I did this because we discovered that the show Anthony is in that is being recorded is having all the dialogue recorded on Tuesday morning.  Yesterday, much to my chagrin I discovered that he does not have to be at the recording session until about 15 minutes after the scheduled end time for my appointment.  It is soooo frustrating.   I called yesterday to see if I could leave a message to try to get my original appointment time back, but the recording gave me other numbers I could call if I was having an emergency and would not let me leave a message.  So I called this morning about 3 minutes after the office opened to try to get my appointment back and they have already scheduled someone else in the time slot.  

Really in the big scheme of things having to wait another  week is not a big deal, but I learned a couple of things at a doctor's appointment last week that makes me a little anxious to have it done and over with.  First - The nurse and doctor that saw me were both a little distressed that I did not have an ultrasound in my first trimester.  The people I saw in Binghamton said nothing about needing an early on ultrasound to confirm the due date, and I was relying on them to let me know if I needed any procedures done in my first trimester and before losing insurance when I moved.  Second, when the doctor did the push-on-the-belly thing he looked at me and asked (for probably the fifth time in the appointment) "You are sure you know when your last period was?" Then he took out the measuring tape and measured my girth just to nod his head and say, "Yep, I think you are a month further along than you think you are."  What!?  A month less to get things settled when we move and make sure we are as ready as humanly possible!?  No further explanation from the doc. Third -  Just frustration with having cancelled an appointment that was actually okay. It ends up that the company is doing something it usually does not do with its recordings - they are staggering the times that people need to be there based on when they are actually needed and it ends up that Anthony is not needed before 10:15.  Anthony and I could have gone to the appointment and been just fine with the timing - the appointment was for 9 AM and was to last an hour.  It would be cutting it a little close, but is a risk I am willing to take.

I know I just need to let all this roll off my back, but I am still frustrated.  I guess I will just remind myself like I find myself doing a lot lately... "Everything will work out okay."  So I am just stuck in anticipation one more week - and the results of the ultrasound will probably be the same then as they would be tomorrow.  I am already getting exercises in patience and the baby isn't even here yet.  I think I am in trouble.

Random Thoughts

I keep wanting to write a blog, but I don't have enough ideas about any one thing to write about, so you get a spattering of my thoughts.

I am pregnant.  I am not sure if you have heard, but it is true.  I am expecting a baby.  I have been feeling fluttering movements in my belly... nothing concrete, like a kick, but it definitely has not been gas or hunger pangs.  Sometimes when I think about it I am humbled and amazed at the miracle that I am going to have a baby.  Theoretically I should be dead - without surgery I had a 21 year life expectancy - with no chance of having children - it would have killed me for sure.  Now, I am pregnant with a completely normal, healthy pregnancy so far and it is wonderful!  Some of the things I think I will not get used to...

• People asking if I feeling  am okay - as if there is something wrong or like I should not be feeling okay.
  
• People not letting me lift anything.  My philosophy is if it is lighter than a 3 year old It should be okay to lift (not carry) it.  Mom's lift their children all the time when they are expecting, so why can't I move a kitchen chair or carry groceries?
• My belly is starting to feel like it is something separate from me.  The other day I felt fine, but I had a little ache in my belly - probably ligaments or something stretching, but it was definitely not me that felt funky, just my belly.

Me at 13 Weeks - 

Some of my clothes were just starting to get uncomfortable at this point

There is not a huge difference here, but it feels pretty big comparatively.

Me at 18 Weeks

 

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This morning I happened upon an article in the Deseret News about a Utah born device that would fix a hole in the heart like the one I had - using a catheter to insert a sort of a patch that would immediately close the hole 60% of the time and would allow for new heart growth to close the hole the other 40% of the time.  The device has been approved for use in Europe - and is waiting FDA approval for use in the USA.  It is incredible to think that in just a few years people won't even have a scar like mine to fix the same problem that I had.  It is incredible.

By the way, a lot of people have holes in their heart like mine (just smaller) and if they go unfixed it can cause migraines and stroke.  I guess what I am saying is if you have migraines you might want to have your heart checked.

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I think that some of our time in Limbo (not knowing anything about our future plans) is coming to an end.  Ohio Light Opera is ending in a few weeks and none of our possible plans have panned out, so it looks like we are moving to Salt Lake City in about a month.  I don't really have more details than that, but I am glad to know where we are headed next month.

More soon...

By the way, Thank you to Ray who kindly gave us his wonderful 'old' camera - I am getting things ready to post some pictures soon, so you can all see what we have been up to.