Four Holidays and a Funeral

December 21st marks the first day of winter in the Northern Hemisphere.  For centuries people have celebrated this day because it is the shortest day of the year.  That means less time at the office, right?  It actually means that the year, which has been continually "dying" as the days get shorter and shorter, will now start to be "reborn" as the days get longer and longer.  In other words, the sun comes back and keeps us all from freezing and starving to death.  The celebration is called "Winter Solstice."  And I'm sure all of you know this already.  The idea I want to draw out is this- it is a celebration of the natural world.  Even without being pagan, I think most of us can see the value of honoring the natural world around us and learning from its lessons.

Coincidentally, this year Hanukkah started at on the Solstice.  Even though I'm not Jewish, I love Hanukkah.  I think it's a really neat holiday.  Hanukkah is a celebration of a miracle that happened in Israel around the year 175 BC.  While the temple was under siege by Syrian armies, they ran out of oil for the sacred lamps that must always be kept burning.  Miraculously, oil for one day lasted for eight days, which is exactly enough time for new oil to be pressed.  This explains why the celebration lasts for eight days and why candles and lights are such an important part of the festival.  Each family is encouraged to light candles in their own homes to remind them of how the Divine interceded in the world of the natural.  In other words, contrasted with the Solstice, a fully natural celebration, Hanukkah celebrates the intervention of the Divine in the natural.

This brings me to the funeral.  On December 23rd this year, I attended the funeral of our stake president.  For those of you who don't speak Mormon, a stake president presides over a group of congregations in much the same way that a Catholic bishop presides over all the parishes in a diocese.  He had struggled with cancer for a short time, but it was very difficult.  His strength and health left him very quickly and were replaced with a great deal of pain.  However, he didn't wish to be released from his duties.  He served for nearly a year with his disease, right up to the time of his death.  He continued to speak at meetings where it was his duty to do so and continued to work for the members of the church in his area.  At his funeral, the message of Christ and of Christmas was everywhere.  Not only did those who spoke remind us of Jesus' teachings of comfort and joy, but they also reminded us of the miracle of the resurrection and Christ's triumph over death.  This man who died was not scared.  He knew that his natural life would be joined to the Divine when he died.

At Christmas we talk a lot about Baby Jesus.  This year, I thought a lot about the triumphant Jesus who became "natural" at his birth, but who shattered the sorrows of the natural world by virtue of his Divinity.  And not only did He do it for Himself, but for each of us.  Christmas is more than a celebration of the natural, or of the Divine interceding in the natural.  It is a celebration of the natural becoming Divine.  Christ made his natural life Divine and offers us the same promise if we follow Him.

Today is New Year's Eve.  As we watch another year die, we can rejoice in the Divine gift of Jesus Christ and resolve to join ourselves to Him more resolutely in the next one.

Good old fashioned update

ATB: Hey Desiree.  What's up?

DB: Not much, How about you?

ATB: Oh, just writing a blog with you!

DB: Really?  What else has been going on lately?

ATB: Funny you should ask!  That leads us right to the title of the blog: "Good old fashioned update."  Well I guess the biggest news for me centers around the opera company here.  I got to sing a really great role in "Rigoletto" a couple of weeks ago.  It went pretty darn well.

DB: Yeah.  It did.  I should know.  I was there.  You sang the role of The Duke (sleazy guy that he is) really well.  Even if meant you had to make out with a couple of women. :)

ATB: I can't believe you told everyone that!  Don't worry everyone.  It was only onstage.  I got to sing lots of high notes and wear tights.  And have my hair curled.  And wear makeup.  This sounds worse and worse.  But really, it was fun and went really well.  And what do you mean by "I was there," Desiree?

DB: How nice of you to ask.  I had a great time being a "Super" (a person in an opera that does not sing).  There was a big party scene, and you can't have a party without women, and Verdi did not write any music for a women's chorus.  The result:  I wore a really pretty dress and makeup and flirted with a bunch of gay men (most of whom were twice my age) wearing makeup and tights.  It was a lot of fun to be onstage instead of backstage.  I think I might just try it again sometime.  What else has been happening for you, Anthony?

ATB: Well, now I'm rehearsing the Christmas opera "Amahl and the Night Visitors."  Some of you may remember when I directed it in 2006.  Now I'm singing Kaspar.  It's a nice role and more along the lines of things I'm used to singing.  Too bad you're not in this one too, Desiree.

DB: It will be a little weird not to be in this one too.  It was fun seeing you back stage and stuff.  It is nice to have my evenings available though.  After all, I have an 8-5 job.

ATB: An 8 2 5 job?  Why, whatever do you mean?

DB: I technically work for Kelly Services (temp agency) but I have been working every day at a place called STCR - stands for Southern Tier Cash Register.  Did you know Binghamton is in the "Southern Tier"?  Apparently it is what they call the part of New York that is not "The City" and not "Upstate".  Anyway, I am doing the billing for maintenance the company provides to its clients - independent grocery stores.

ATB: That's very informative!  But I wouldn't understand any of that.  I just sing high and try to look pretty.

DB:  Well, that is what you went to school for.

ATB:  Except for the looking pretty part.

DB: Yep.  You did not need school for that.  It just came naturally.  But I get the feeling that people don't want to hear us have a conversation like that (I am inserting that for Anneke's benefit.)  So, how about them Senators?

ATB: And by Senators, you mean the local hockey team?  I have no idea.  I still don't follow sports.  But speaking of things: Maybe we could tell people about our "Thanksgiving- Round 1" event.

DB: OK.  Here's the scoop.  We have a bunch of friends here that are a little bit like family, but the thing is- most of them are going to be with people that don't live in this area for the holiday.  So I thought we should have a dinner for all of us to just get together and have a nice time.

ATB: So you made a lemon meringue pie, a chocolate cream pie, an apple pie and a pumpkin pie.  Oh yeah, there was turkey and stuffing too.

DB: And all of our friends made things that are traditional for their Thanksgivings too.  Now I know how to make "Ellen Potatoes".  Ellen is one of our friends who thinks that if it involves the microwave it is cooking... I am so proud of her - she learned how to use a vegetable peeler and a hand mixer all in the same day.  And the potatoes were delicious.

ATB: So true.  So let's see... work, opera, friends... oh church!  Since we both voted Democratic for the presidential election, are we still allowed to go to church?

DB:  Silly, Anthony.  We have gone to church since then... and they even gave us callings too!  I am now on the activities committee and you teach sunday school for the 14 and 15 year olds.

ATB:  Well, it sounds like we're doing pretty well.

DB: I think so.  I think we both miss people in Salt Lake though.

ATB:  Yeah.  That's true.  But who knows where we will land next year.  I do have an audition with Utah Opera again this year!

DB: And with several other companies.  I am sure people don't want to hear about all the places that want to hear you sing.  How about we just tell them where you are going when we find out in February... or March... or April?

ATB: Fair enough.  Let's call this blog "good enough."

DB:  Ok.  Thanks for encouraging me to send everyone an update and even helping me make it happen.

ATB:  You bet.  It's only because I love you.

Advertisement for Arrogance

So, Desiree has titled this blog "Life Happens."  I think I may have mentioned somewhere that I'm not in love with this title.  But that's only because I have a superiority complex the size of Lake Superior.  Ha ha.  Seriously.  I do.  And that's what this post will be about.  So those who are faint of heart around conceit, please avert your eyes.

I'm a pretty talented person.  I'm also a pretty smart person.  I'm also a pretty nice person.  I feel good about these statements.  When I was finishing my Master's degree, I felt really great about myself.  I was happy with the work I was doing and with the people around me.  When I was at Ohio Light Opera last summer, I felt like the king of the world.  I not only enjoyed my work but I was also extremely good at it.  I had good relationships with the people around me.  I just felt awesome.  Feeling awesome made me act awesome-er.  It grew on itself.  And it wasn't just for me.  Other performers told me that they enjoyed being on stage with me because my confidence gave them confidence.  It was good all around.

Then I came here to Binghamton.  The program here has a lot of strengths and I am getting a lot from it.  I don't want to deny that.  (Here comes the but...)  But it has placed me in situations where I feel out of my element.  I have been left to question the level of talent and intelligence I always thought I had.  Sometimes I have even wondered if I'm not really as nice a person as I always thought.  Surprise, surprise- my ability to perform has diminished at a corresponding rate!  I guess it's kind of like Peter trying to walk to Jesus on the water.  If only I'd believe, I could do it.

So I guess this seems like an advertisement for arrogance.  If thinking I'm awesome makes me awesome, then why not be arrogant and be REALLY awesome?  That's only partially true.  At the same time that telling myself I'm good at singing high notes makes me sing high notes better, telling myself that I'm great at ping-pong will never change the fact that my hand-eye coordination rivals that of a 2 month old.  It's about knowing your strengths and owning them proudly.  And at the same time acknowledging who gave them to you.  Obviously God made me a performer.  (Insert joke about God having a vindictive sense of humor here.)  And many people have helped me shape that talent over the years.  Not the least of those contributors is myself.  I have worked hard for this and to deny myself that credit is dishonest and undermines my ability to "walk on the water" with out doubting myself.  I tried the other day to ask God to sing my arias for me and he told me not to be silly.  They are my arias and God doesn't want to take them away from me.  My strength.  My responsibility.

Additionally, there's a degree of humility necessary in this process.  When I don't feel good about myself and what I'm doing, there's always someone there to tell me that my work, though not perfect, still has merit.  My prideful tendency is stubbornly to deny this, thereby ignoring the gifts God has given me and the opinions and help of the one encouraging me.  This "false humility" is actually the real and dangerous arrogance in disguise.  Humility would teach me to "honor the divine" in both myself and all around me.  In other words: I'm awesome, you're awesome too.

So here's the cutesy part where I "bring it full circle."  This process is Life Happening.  I'm learning my relationship with God and myself.  It's happening through singing a leading tenor role in a Verdi opera.  For someone else it might be teaching a child to ride a bike, or dealing with a difficult co-worker.  But the human being I am becoming is the most important happening of my life.

Palmyra excursion

In church last week, a member of the temple presidency came to speak to our ward.  We live in the Palmyra temple district.  Strangely enough, he and his wife spoke about the importance of attending the temple.  What a surprise!  All kidding aside, the message was loud and clear to me and Desiree.  We needed to go to the temple.  We had not been since very shortly before we left Salt Lake City in May.  As it was then the very end of September we knew it was long overdue.  We made plans to go that Wednesday night since I didn't have rehearsal.  It's a three hour drive, so Desiree had to leave work a bit early to make it.  (She was temping for the opera company that week.)

As we were leaving home, we checked to see if we had our recommends.  Desiree's eagle eyes spotted our foolish deficiency.  Our recommends had expired at the end of April.  Color us embarrassed!  It seems even stranger since our bishop in Salt Lake asked us if we needed them renewed before we left.  We blissfully and ignorantly said we were just fine.  So now we needed to make a decision.  We felt strongly that we should go to the temple, but were not able to go in.  Should we go anyway?  Since the Palmyra temple is located practically next door to the Sacred Grove, we decided to follow the promptings of the Spirit and go on the errand anyway, even if we were not able to fulfill it entirely.

By the time we got to Palmyra it was very dark.  We made a brief stop at the grounds of the temple.  It is beautiful there.  The windows all have gold and green stained-glass representations of trees in them.  The grounds are very colorful and perfectly manicured.  It was great to be there even if we couldn't go inside.  Then we went to the grove.  Since it was dark, we used a flash light to go down the somewhat lengthy path that leads to it.  There was no one else there.  This was kind of a comfort to me and Desiree since we both have a mild aversion to tour guides at Church history sites.

Honestly, the path was kind of scary.  The woods are frightening at night when the mist is gathering.  Perhaps if I had been there before it would have been different.  Maybe if I wasn't from the suburbs of Salt Lake where "woods" is more likely a last name than a topographical occurrence I would have been more at ease.  In any case, I was aware of every tiny noise around us as we started our journey down a path to what we hoped would be a place of spiritual enlightenment.  The clearness of the path laid out before us by people who knew the way was a quieting comfort.

We arrived at a small area that served as an outdoor chapel, with log pews facing the area where Priesthood leaders no doubt instruct and inspire those who want to enter the sacred area ahead.  Right before we stepped into the small clearing among the trees where Joseph saw his first vision, a foghorn went off in the distance.  It startled us.  Quite a lot.  We held our breaths in the way one does when frightened in an unfamiliar, foggy, dark wood.  But since we had come this far already, we decided to see the grove regardless of reservations and fears.  We stepped through the curtain of foliage into the sacred area and almost immediately the heavens opened and rain fell.  It seemed to me to be a gift from above.  I then realized that the foghorn was to warn us of the coming storm.  The canopy above sheltered us for the few moments we stood and felt that we were in a special place.  I felt giddy as we ran back through the rain to our car in the parking lot.

God watches us and gives us what is good for us even if it isn't exactly what we expect at the time.

Charlie Chaplin

When Desiree and I first moved to Binghamton, we had little to do.  There were a few days before I had any rehearsals and Desiree had no job (as you all know from her previous post).  We had no TV reception, we didn't have internet and we didn't know anybody in town.  It was pretty dull.  But across the street from us is the Broome County Public Library.  Ah ha!  Entertainment!  All those books just waiting to be read!  So we checked out some movies to watch.  (Insert ironic facial expression here.)

But I don't feel badly about this decision in the least because the movies we checked out were of Olympian significance in the world of film and in our American (and world) culture.  We watched 4 movies written by, directed by, and starring Charles Chaplin.  Let me just say; this guy was an absolute genius.

The first film we watched was "The Gold Rush."  Chaplin made this movie as a silent film originally, but re-released it decades later with his own original score and narration replacing the text panels common to silent films.  Next was "The Great Dictator," in which Chaplin first spoke.   We next "Modern Times," which was released before "The Great Dictator" but in which Chaplin first sang.  Most recently we saw "Limelight," which was his last film made in the U.S.

Each of these movies is a masterpiece.  I think the word "masterpiece" can be over-used since in theory, an artist should only produce one work to define him or her as a true artist, but I can't help it.  Each of them is a masterpiece.  I had the erroneous conception that Chaplin only made short films with little to no significant plot.  I also thought they were all written by someone else.  I further thought that he only played the "Little Tramp" character with whom he is so permanently identified.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  The plots of these four films are not only his own creations, they each have a distinct voice and powerful message.  Each is evocative of a tone and theme that speak as resonantly today as they did at the time.  I can't recommend enough a viewing of each of these jewels.

The cool thing about watching these movies (besides the movies themselves) was the special features disc available with each film.  From them I learned a good deal about Chaplin's life.  There is one thing that I cannot pass up mentioning:  Charlie Chaplin, the undisputedly best loved and most famous film maker of his day was banned from the United States during the McCarthy trials of the late 40's and early 50's.  He returned to his native England and returned only to receive an Oscar for which he was only allowed to stay for a few short days.  He had lived and worked in the U.S. for 40 years.  I was absolutely crushed to hear our beautiful country had done something so coldhearted to a man whose only work was to make the whole world smile.  

Luckily those days of ideological intolerance are past.   Today careers of good-hearted men and women aren't smeared by insensitive stereotypes and accusations.  It would be a tragedy if a vocal minority of purportedly morally high-minded people convinced the rest of us that those who are well-intentioned are evil just because they are looking forward to a brighter future.

Livin' on Love

We have been in Binghamton one month and I still don't have a job.  It has been so much fun!  Ever since we got married we have been trying to figure out how to "live on love."  We used to say that we needed a wife... someone to cook and clean for us while we were busy being students and working.  Now, we have begun saying we need a husband to get a job that pays a little more than it pays to be establishing a career as an opera singer.

It has been so much fun just kicking around and spending lots of time together.  We have been playing board games, going for long walks along the river, taking drives to explore some of the surrounding area, having good conversations and spending time with friends from the opera company and church.

When Anthony is gone to rehearsal, I take great pleasure in cleaning our apartment and making fabulous meals... just this morning, Anthony told me that people in the opera company had begun asking when they were going to be invited over to eat the great meals I have been creating.  I guess word has spread that I have been going crazy in the kitchen.  It has been so much fun!  In the last couple of weeks I have made enough food to feed an army... and think we almost have.  I have been experimenting with new recipe I have wanted to try for a while and have just not had the time.  The result is usually that after getting the ingredients, when I am ready to start the preparations I realize "this recipe is not for two people... it is for six... or eight."  This would not normally be a problem, but one of the things I have been looking forward to each day has been making dinner, so leftovers kind of put a damper on things.  The result has been that we are having people over for dinner almost all the time.  It has been nice to get to know people in this way.

I think I could really get used to this... too bad the savings will be running out in not too long.  Besides that, I don't think that "living on our savings account" is the same as "living on love," oh well.  It has been fun... not to mention that while I have been able to get creative with our menu Anthony doesn't suggest going out to eat nearly as often.  I am loving this.

From Anthony: Two for the price of one!

Here's another oldie but goody back-log.  But this time it's a double-header!  Have fun with two topics in one.  There are comments left by people from the first time I posted this at the bottom.

Friday, June 06, 2008

hot

Must... write... blog... in... June!

For real. I really feel like I have to write a blog this month. I usually wait until something presents itself in a way that demands a written response. But today I just wanna write a blog, dang it!

So the topic du jour- Heat wave in Ohio. It's hot. And it's wicked humid here. We're talking over 90% humidity. And for a guy from Utah, that's more humid than a box of humid humidity with a side-order of humid. My skin is sticking to everything and I'm a pile of disgusting sweat. I stink all the time which really grosses me out.

Whenever I go to a really extreme climate (which isn't that often unless you consider living in Utah for approximately 27 years) I always think about what crazy kind of people settled those areas way back in the day. Like, think of living in Siberia in the 1700's or something like that. How did those people survive that crazy climate without all the exciting conveniences we have our modern world? Comparatively, living in humid Ohio in the early 21st century seems pretty easy.

I guess that brings me to another point I have visited several times on this blog; things really are relative. If I think my life sucks, it probably does for me, even if it may seem great to other people from the outside. Luckily, I don't think my life sucks. I'm probably right.

Well folks, that's it. Tune in next time for a discussion of how I always forget how strange I can come across to people.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

As promised...

I really don't love it when people brag about how weird they are. "I'm totally wild and crazy!" "You've never met anyone like me!" "I can't stand people who don't want to be the center of attention all the time! I mean... what?" You know the kind- the folks who really, really, really need attention and can't get it by simply being good at something or by being nice. They have to resort to wearing funny hats all the time or coining really loud and obnoxious catch phrases instead.

I know that may seem like a strange thing for me to say because I often seem to come across that exact way. But here's what I'm getting at- I really don't try for it. I try to behave myself. It turns out I'm just a... well... weird-o.

Right now I work with singers and assorted other artsy sorts all day everyday. This is part of the problem. Hanging out on a regular basis with people like this only gives me permission to continue to act like a freak because I rarely go too far beyond the bounds of what any of the rest of them have seen or have actually done themselves. The rest of the problem comes when I get back into the land of reality and suddenly have to switch gears to "don't-embarrass-Desiree-Anthony."

When artsy people would be laughing along with me or just not even noticing anything strange at all, normal people laugh their heads off or just leave the room and won't speak to me.

So that leads me back to my original point- I really don't love it when people talk about how strange they are, and that includes myself. I hate feeling like I'm a big freak whose life looks like a big act to get laughs or reactions.

Discuss.

Micky Jo: In highschool I was totally afride to talk to most people, so instead I died my hair every color and cut my hair in crazy ways. I liked being the freak because I knew people were talking about me and I didn't have to really talk to them. Now days I am the loudest person I know. I guess I am trying to make up for all the time I wasn't talking. 

I would love to be noticed for what I can do but the problem is I am not musicaly inclined (unless you count gutair hero), I am not a great actress, I can't really write and I insist on hanging out with the artsy types (like you) who with out trying at all make me feel very small. So to make up for it I am loud and crazy.

I know it drives people crazy and I kinda like that too. 

Maybe the problem isn't the loud and crazy people it is people like you who are to talented for there own good. Stop being so amazing Anthony and I will stop being crazy. (I would love to see either one of us try it....who do you think it would kill first)

ATB: Your comment is better than my blog! I love it. 

Desiree seems to have the same sort of feeling when hanging around with the artsy-types. When she went to study in France last summer, she found ways to branch out and feel less like a "small" person. So I don't need to be less talented and you don't need to stop being crazy, we just need to go to France a lot.

Sissy: I have no idea what either o' you are talking about.